I recently learned that underground coal fires -- as depicted in the film "Silent Hill" -- release as much carbon into the atmosphere world-wide as do all the cars and light trucks in the United States. Since we know that all the cars and light trucks (SUVs) in the United States release DANGEROUS amounts into the atmosphere, threatening catastrophe like the one depicted in the film "The Day After Tomorrow," this is clearly a bad thing.
Firefighters in China recently put out one such coal fire (that had been burning for more than 50 years) at great expense and risk to the men involved, and several new ones have sprung up here in the States. This brings up an important issue: how much money, energy and manpower are we willing to commit to these efforts? Sure, we need to do whatever we can to stop Global Climate Change, but at what cost?
Like usual, I've come up with a solution to this problem. My plan will cost nothing, require no man-power, and will require literally no change in policy, behavior, or freedoms on the part of individuals. The plan is simple: we use water to put out the fires. The beauty of my plan is that as Earth's temperature increases the icecaps melt, raising sea levels, and thus bringing nearly endless supplies of saltwater to the coal fires where they'll be put out naturally. Then, because the fires are no longer emitting CO2, the water level will slowly raise back down, leaving us with mines containing both coal AND salt ripe for the taking.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)