I was really hoping -- because of the truthfulness of my answers -- that it would read from top to bottom in order of craziness. In large part it did, but I'm a bit surprised that Mike Gravel didn't even beat McCain, let alone Giuliani. I did expect Kucinich to be a little higher on the list, though, as I kinda like the guy. I truly hope for a "Ron Paul / Dennis Kucinich" ticket, as I think that'd be the perfect balance of differing crazies to ensure that I don't hate my country as much in the future as I have lately. Which, actually, is quite a lot.
I guess the results didn't stack up the way I expected because the quiz isn't really designed to return results relevant to the craziness of the candidates -- instead it just shows MY craziness. There were a bunch of them that I didn't answer because they didn't have appropriate choices, many that I feel are not relevant to presidential politics, and one that I had to answer dishonestly. The dishonest one was about federal funding of stem cell research, and I had to inaccurately mark as "yes," despite being against federal funding of ANY research. I'm NOT, however, against stem cell research -- provided that the government isn't paying for it -- so I decided to answer by the "spirit" rather than the "letter." I'm of the nutjob opinion that the government is rubbish at pretty much everything it does, and that therefore we should let it do as little of said rubbish as possible. Privatized science will work just as good -- better, even; we all know that every major technological advancement in the last century has been as a result of pornography anyway, which, as far as I know, is one area we spend very little federal money on. (Unless, of course, you count all the federal agents pretending to be little kids to lure sexual predators on the internet, and/or posting child porn so that they can bust the people who download it.) To those that insist that they help pay for science research I say that you're free to write as many checks as you'd like. I know I sure will be. They'll just be to private research groups rather than the government.
So, in summary, I hope this brief foray into my nutjobbery will help quiet the people who insist upon haranguing me every four years about how it's my duty as an American to exercise my constitutional right to vote, making them instead relish my decision to not take part. Mmmm, relish.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)