Gots stories to share. Might have to videoblog or something. Because that's SOOO much easier, right?
1) We're going to Australia at the beginning of March. Two weeks. Four days of which are earmarked as "Australiany Stuff" days, while most of the rest of the days are "Work Days" for D at her new Australian employer's facility, leaving me free to explore the undoubtedly vast assortment of daytime television in OZ. (She'll be working from home in the States after that, though.) Awesome. Suffice it to say that my life's dream of opening the first Outback Steakhouse franchise in Australia has rapidly taken a turn towards plausibility. (I'll call it "The Original Outback Steakhouse" and cash in on all those American tourists looking to do "Australiany Stuff.")
2) Got the stinkeye from an elderly gentleman at the grocery store the other day. Thought it odd. Then ended up behind him in the checkout lane to hear him railing about men who carry bags.
<blockquote>Guy: "They have a name for bags you carry your stuff in: PURSES. You really have to wonder about any man carrying a bag. I mean, that's what wallets are for. What would YOU think if you saw a guy carrying a bag?"
Checkout Guy: "That he has too much stuff to fit in a wallet, or he doesn't want to sit on his wallet?"
Guy: "Uh-huh. 'Too much stuff.' Sure."
Checkout Guy: "What about backpacks? Men carry those."
Guy: "I'm not going to carry a backpack, either. That's just not the kind of man I am."
Checkout Guy: "OK. Have a nice day."
Me: "Hang on, I have to fish my wallet out of all this stuff in my PURSE."
Checkout Guy: "Ha! Nice. :)"</blockquote>
I had one of those light-bulb moments as soon as I heard him start his railing against bags, because it perfectly explained why he was eyeballing me earlier. The funniest bit to me was that the ignorantly intolerant man in question happened to be a man of color with a wife of, shall we say, "much less color." You'd think that someone who has probably had to put up with a lot of intolerant, ignorant bullshit over the years would be a bit more hesitant to engage in the same behavior himself, but whatever.
3) Now I've plumb forgotten what else I was gonna tell y'all.
4) Oh yeah, now I remember. Pretend I spent a bunch of time making a graphic advertising my new show instead of just telling you the title: "Danzig with the Stars."
5) In addition to posting being hard, so has been answering email and replying to comments. Of which many, many "Emma Watson 3-D boob-related" ones have come in. (Over 50,000 people have viewed that post since Christmas, 109% of which are ardent that I'm a big fat idiot.) I'm not ignoring anyone, just extremely apathetic.
6) I forgot to take a brain-related drug to which my body is addicted the other day, resulting in a couple days full of little mini brain seizures. Talk about a crazy sensation. Know when you're nodding off while watching TV or something and suddenly jolt awake? Imagine that like 10 times an hour. Fun.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)