UPDATE: This post was originally written in April of 2005.
After being completely oversaturated with coverage about John Bolton's United Nations opponent-turned-Ambassador nomination status, my own personal research has caused me to come to a startling conclusion:
In the early 80's, John Bolton secretly stole world-renowned SciFi Channel psychic Peter James' prized moustache and eyebrows, leaving his own in its place.
Without further ado, here's some photographic evidence:
That's Peter James on the left, while John Bolton is on the right. Clearly those moustaches and eyebrows have been switched.
I'm actually kind of surprised that a psychic of Peter's ability would be powerless to stop the switch from happening, or even notice that it had taken place. In case you are unfamilair with Peter's work, he has visited many historically significant haunted places, eerily telling of people and events he is "seeing." The amazing bit is how accurate he is when you compare his "visions" with the extremely well documented (and publicly known) versions of the same events -- events that the curators of said haunted places tell people about as part of the tour.
It is simply astounding that he could be so aware of the things happening around him and still miss the replacement of his moustache.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)