Considering that at least 11% of my traffic every month is from people direct linking to that picture of Natalie Portman's bald head, I feel that it is in my best interest to post a picture of her new mohawk.
Clicking that link will take you to the source, where some more (but not any better) pictures can be found.
Amidst all the tragedy and wreckage in New Orleans, one glimmer of happiness shines through the fog of despair. Hillary Swank and Xena are safe! There was some question regarding the whereabouts of these two important people for a number of hours, but I thank the Lord that they are safe. It is stories like this that I'm sure really warm the hearts of those chest deep in the frigid fire ant and gator infested waters of the Super Dome.
I'm all tucked in under the covers, reading some news on my Sidekick before I go to sleep and what do I come across?
OH THE HORROR, several films MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FILM because of the hurricanes lack of consideration for Hollywood. This is causing so much trouble for rich fatcat producers and so much money has been lost OH THE AGONY.
Oh well, it's only money. Things could have been worse, at least nobody* died...
*nobody that could go at the top of the Ocean's Thirteen poster anyway, and that's what really matters.
I like to pretend that I am a valuable part of the online press community, with ideals and topics of coverage falling somewhere between FoxNews.com and PBS.org. What's about to follow is only being said as an attempt to fit right in with my peers and doesn't necessarily reflect the views and opinions of NyQuil.org.
While keeping that in mind, I would like you to observe a moment of silence for any celebrities that may still be lost in the fire ant, crocodile, cadaver and toxic waste infested carnage left by hurricane Katrina. My thoughts and prayers go out to those with the most positive impact on our current society -- namely basketball players, rappers, movie stars, rock band bass players, talk show hosts and celebrity chefs. All the rest of the citizens can just fuck right off. Well, after they've submitted their "citizen journalist" photos and videos so the rest of us in the media can continue our wall-to-wall Disaster Porn coverage, that is.
I've gone ahead and mixed the fire ants, the crocodiles, the toxic waste and building debris to come up with:
as my pick for official silicone relief bracelet coloring. Lets hope they get the orders out to the the Korean manufacturers quickly so we can get a jump start on helping these poor celebrities, and possibly inadvertently help some ordinary citizens as well.
I can't even begin to comprehend that situation, its like something out of the book of Job.
"Lord, haven't you done enough? My neighbors are gone, my house is destroyed, the water is rising. All I have left is this light pole to which I cling. I'm not sure how long I can hold on, I can't take anymore."
"NOT YET, MY SON. NOW COMES THE FIRE ANTS..."
*gotta love the url which loads that article: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WEATHER/08/28/katrina.doomsday/
I don't have the best dietary habits. Actually, I don't think I have any good dietary habits. I try to make up for this by taking the occasional supplement, but I have a slight aversion to taking pills. This doesn't stop me from taking some Excedrine if my back is killing me or antibiotics if I get West Nile, but that bottle of Men's One-A-Day has been sitting there for nigh on 3 years now, right next to the penis enlargement pills. I think I've taken maybe 3 of them, and one or two of those might have actually been the penis ones.
I solved my dilemma by buying some Ensure. After my first can I was hooked, but probably only because I tried the vanilla flavor before I tried the strawberry. Stay away from the strawberry at all costs, that shit is nasty. (Disclaimer, I enjoy a wide variety of artificial strawberry flavored products -- this is my first encounter with an imitation strawberry I didn't get along with.) I can't vouch for the chocolate.
Aside from being damn tasty, one can of Ensure provides you with at least 25% of your RDA of 24 essential vitamins and minerals and has 250 calories for a nice little pick-you-up boost of energy. This is perfect for those times where you don't feel like you really need a whole meal, yet still allows you to feel like you've consumed something.
The one one downside of Ensure has always been the slight metallic taste that can linger in your mouth due to the cheap-ass cans they sell it in. Well no more! Ensure is now sold in attractive little plastic containers (pictured at right) and now it is 100% recommendable. Go forth and consume some Ensure today, it's not just for old people anymore your body will thank you..
I recently learned that my great great great grandfather was a travelling snake-oil miracle-cure potion salesman who had some mild success in his declining years. It seems that people trust you more when your hair and beard are mottled with white. In any case, I was going through some of his things in this old steamer trunk that I was sent after he passed away and discovered a poster for one of his most successful campaigns. I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you, but please check out the high resolution version by clicking on it as I he spent alot of time on it.
When the rumors of a Google branded instant messaging client/network first started showing up, I was less than thrilled. There's already too many proprietary IM networks already, what could Google possibly offer that would be beneficial, right? I was highly skeptical that it even existed.
Well earlier this week when the beta was actually released I was a little bit dumbfounded. I headed over to the page to find out what the deal is, and after a little bit of reading I was suddenly excited about what Google had done. In other words, they actually seemed to manage taking a useless product, brand it with 'Google' and actually make something that really exites me. That's a first.
The reason for my excitement is because of how they actually executed the creation of Google Talk. Rather than create yet another instant messaging protocol, they decided to go with Jabber, which is an entirely open protocol. We all know how much I love openness, and Jabber is a great example of why that is. Anyone can run their own Jabber server and transparently interact with users on other servers, working in almost exactly the same way as email does. I love the idea and execution of Jabber, but there are actually a few major downsides.
Firstly, none of your friends use Jabber. Secondly, there's about a million (crappy) Jabber clients to choose from, how do you possibly pick? Lastly, due to the decentralized nature of Jabber, you also have to find a server that you can create an account on and then use. This is where my elation came in; suddenly in one fell swoop, Google has fixed all those issues. Everyone wants to have Google's baby, so they will download an install it, thus boosting the Jabber userbase to astronomical levels.
They took what is by far the best instant messaging protocol, and then went and fixed all the negative aspects of it. Now everyone in your Gmail contacts is suddenly available to talk to. Suddenly there's a nice client to use, and everything is set up for you automatically. Also, because it is Jabber you don't even need to use Google Talk to use the service -- any Jabber compatible client will do. But here's where my excitement ended.
I fired up GAIM and logged into Gtalk, happily sending messages to other Gtalk users, all was good. Then I tried sending a message to a Gtalk user from my existing Jabber account. Nothing happened. Then I tried sending a message from my Jabber account to my Gtalk account. Can you guess what happened?
In any case, my initial elation has all but evaporated. I still hold out some hope that interserver communication will be enabled in the future -- Gtalk is beta after all -- but in the meantime I'm not holding my breath.
It was announced yesterday that the President of Turkmenistan has placed a ban on all forms of recorded music to help protect the musical culture which once dominated life in Turkmenistan. It seems that this is targeted specifically to prevent lip-syncing, a practice which is used by nearly every performer here in the United States to improve both the sound quality and value of nearly $100 (USD) concert ticket prices. In a televised announcement, President Saparmurat Niyazov explained, "Unfortunately, one can see on television old voiceless singers lip-synching their old songs. Don't kill talents by using lip-synching... create our new culture."
The latest attack on the encroaching western cultural influence follows other bans enacted in 2001 on such MTV-influenced fashions as long hair, gold and platinum plated teeth, intricate facial hair and the "Pimping" of rides with such esoteric electronic devices as radios and compact disc players.
These bannings affect more than just the "hip" non-traditional elements one might associate with an impressionable youth, however. President Niyazov has also banned opera and ballet, claiming that they are "unnecessary", and has done away with that ever-present bane to traditional culture -- hospitals.
Like the USA's George W. Bush, President Niyazov feels that it is his responsibility to maintain the religious and cultural ideals held by many of the citizens of the country he is ruling, to lead the nation into a "Golden Age" unhindered by the attempts to unhinge it by the liberal left. All the existing bans -- and presumably all future bans as well -- combine in a valiant effort to hold on to the ideals he feels should be important to every Turkmenistani citizen.
Yesterdays ban of prerecorded music is the first ban put into place by President Saparmurat Niyazov since 2003's horrific shuttle disaster, which ended the lives of seven astronauts over the skies of Texas as the shuttle disintegrated due to faulty heat tiles.
In case you are:
a) a fan (or foe) of The Discovery Channel's hit show Mythbusters
b) looking for something amusing and interesting to occupy some free reading time
then Steve over at The Sneeze can hook you up with the first part of a really great intervew with Adam Savage that he recently did. It is an entertaining read which gives some background on how they got together, details about sexual orientation (admit it, you're dying to know), the price of fame, moustache impressions, etc. I'm really anxious for part 2.
Here's a couple teaser clips to arouse your interest:
You've been working with Jamie a long time, what was your first impression of him the day you met?
Oh, that he was gay. I couldn't believe he wasn't gay. (LAUGHING)
And we heard word from Discovery on Saturday, and that what they said was, "These are just the geeks we were looking for!" But apparently among themselves they wondered if they could do a show with a couple of homosexuals from San Francisco.
When the show first started airing, Jamie and I both got a lot of gay fan mail. He got a little upset at first, and his wife pointed out "Jamie, take the compliment! Someone thinks you're really hot! It's okay if it's a man." And he was cool with that, and relaxed about it.
At some point in there, he got an email that said "I want to suck that mustache right off your face!" (LAUGHING)
Most of what was talked about wasn't related to homosexuality, I swear. I don't know what it says about me that everything I excerpted was.
I often have trouble sleeping, so that leaves me lots of time to think of worrysome things, thus making it harder to sleep.
Last night what had me worried was that some poor Canadian child named Tim Burr might one day get lost in the woods and require a search party to shout out his name repeatedly for hours on end in hopes of finding him. Just think of the havoc that would wreak on the poor lumberjacks trying to make an honest living.
(18:10:39) me: know how they're planning a mission to Mars?
(18:10:44) rob: yeh..
(18:10:54) me: that seems like such a total waste of time and money to me.
(18:11:03) me: going to some other planet isn't going to help any of the problems we have here on Earth, most importantly being the coming energy crisis.
(18:11:19) me: I came up with a way we can harvest some energy by making a much more useful trip to a different heavenly body.
(18:11:26) rob: oh?
(18:11:33) me: we should send a mission to land on the SUN.
(18:11:48) rob: But, you can't land on the sun..
(18:11:55) me: well, of course not...
(18:11:59) me: but you CAN if you wait until it is NIGHT.
(18:12:11) rob: lol
(18:12:33) me: I figure, the astronauts can just pop some solar panels in with some nice long fireproof poles and run the cords back to earth.
(18:12:42) me: unlimited free energy.
(18:12:46) me: one thing though, they have to keep an eye on the alarm clock, make sure they're nowhere near that puppy when it comes up.
(18:13:04) rob: yeh, that shit could sting a bit
The space shuttles return to Cape Canaveral happened entirely without incident, much to the dismay of media outlets everywhere. How on Earth* are they going to make the news more exciting? Faithful readers have probably already guessed:
CAPE CANAVERAL (Reuters) - The space shuttle Discovery completed a cross-country ride atop a jumbo jet and returned to Florida on Sunday, nearly two weeks after finishing NASA's first mission since the 2003 Columbia accident.
Falling foam doomed Columbia when a briefcase-sized chunk knocked a hole in its wing at launch. During Columbia's reentry in February 2003 into the Earth's atmosphere, superheated atmospheric gases tore into the gap.
Columbia then broke apart over Texas, killing all seven astronauts on board.
I look forward to future articles about the 2003 shuttle disaster cleverly disguised as updates about the current shuttle.
Yup, a terrible pun. Cuz see, it's the space shuttle, and it isn't currently in space...
It has been nearly two weeks since the shuttle experienced a perfect landing with absolutely no problems whatsoever, but still every time there is anything remotely space shuttle related, we hear about the disaster that didn't happen this time:
MIAMI (Reuters) - The return of the space shuttle Discovery to its home port in Florida, riding piggyback on a modified Boeing 747 jumbo jet, was delayed on Saturday because of potentially bad weather along its route, NASA said.
Discovery had landed at Edwards Air Force base in California on August 9, completing NASA's first shuttle mission since its sister ship Columbia fell apart over Texas in February 2003.