Every time that I order a hamburger at a restaurant, I enjoy having a carbonated beverage made from a nut fallen from the kola tree. What I've found is that most restaurants have some sort of exclusive deal with one of 3 large corporations: Coke, Pepsi and RC. 1 Honestly, I don't give a flying offensive reproductive slang term which brand I drink, I just want a cola and to be efficient about it.
What has always happened in the past is that I would try to premptively guess which company they have a relationship with and order that. Example: "I'd also like a... Coke... please."
"Is Pepsi OK?" my helpful server asks.
So next time I try it the other way: "I'd also like a... Pepsi... please."
"Is Coke OK?"
Tired of this crap, I recently decided to just premptively cover my bases and order a non-brand-specific beverage type: "I'd like a... cola please.."
to which has been responded with, "Is Pepsi/Coke OK2?" every single time.
The only thing I can think of to rectify this situation is to order like this: "I'd also like one of whichever cola flavored carbonated beverage your soft drink partner provides you with -- and don't you dare ask me if one or the other is OK, or it's no tip for you," but that will undoubtedly make me look like the asshole, so I can't do that.
This also brings up fast food drive-throughs. I always place my order followed with "and nothing else." They always ask "Do you want a Mountain Dew or some Mexi-fries??" No, I just flipping told you I wanted nothing else. Arg. But then if I angrily hit the talking clown speaker with my car, that makes me the asshole?
1: Essentially, it is only Coke and Pepsi, I can probably count the number of restaurants that have offered me RC Cola on my offensive gesture finger.
2: I seriously wish that the failed cola company named "OK Cola" were still around so that I could hear "Is OK OK?" from a helpful server.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'email@example.com'. He likes to be contacted.
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