1) a few years ago, I decided I was going to create a fake person. I started filling out any "free stuff" forms I could find with the name Otto Von Warren, hoping to get junk mail in that name. My zeal for this mission lasted about 2 hours, and I am sad to report that I never got one bit of junk mail to my fake person. I think it may be time to revive this idea.
2) I once subscribed to Rolling Stone magazine through a discount service, and found that they had many, many options to select from when choosing your title. Most forms are limited to Mr. and Mrs., but not this one. There was half a page worth of options, and I painstakingly pored over them to select the most appropriate. Fast forward a month ahead, and I found myself holding a large brown envelope which was hand addressed to 'Archbishop Jer Warren.' Sadly the actual mailing labels for the rest of the magazines were missing this titile; either The Church disavowed any knowledge of me, or it simply wouldn't fit on that tiny white label.
3) I am thinking about getting my name changed. I always grin when hearing people with high-falutin' names such as Stringfellow Masterson, Reginald Thompson McGinty, or Aristotle Waterfordshire. I haven't completely settled on a name yet, but I think I've got it down to either Archibauld or Alistair Hoel. Either of those would be truly glorious on the ol' Caller-ID box* -- assuming of course I ever placed a call to anyone. I'll tell you what though, Alistairs and Archibaulds get their calls returned ASAP.
*: in case this isn't clear, long names are typically truncated to a single first initial (initial initial?) followed by the complete last name.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)