When I was but a wee lad of 6 or 7 (I think I was in first grade, so however old that would have made me) we had a really nice American Staffordshire Terrier1 named Dreamer2. Late one night a large opossum came into our backyard, menacing Dreamer and her fairly young puppies, causing Dreamer to take action. If you aren't familiar with AmStaffs, they are very protective of loved ones. She kicked that possum's butt pretty good, but then the possum went over the fence. Not one to be outdone, Dreamer showed that it was quite trivial for her to leave the yard and apparently she only stayed in the yard all the years we had her because she was a good dog. In any case, the possum made its way to our front yard, where several of the neighborhood's free roaming dogs decided to get in on the action, and at least one of them was viciously mauled by Dreamer. This prompted neighbors with pitchforks and torches calling the police and whatnot, and after a 1am gathering of neighbors, policemen and AmStaff owners, my dad somehow convinced the police to let him be the one to shoot Dreamer, since it was going to have to be done by someone.
I learned all this about 4 hours later, which was about 5 minutes into the early morning drive portion of the fishing trip I had been looking forward to going on with my father for some time. Needless to say, this first grader did not have a very fun fishing trip, and neither did my dad.
1: The American Staffordshire Terrier is more commonly known in the U.S. as the Pit Bull. Pit Bulls get a really bad rap for being terribly vicious animals that shouldn't be allowed to live, but in actuality the ones you always hear about mauling people are generally trained to do that sort of thing, and/or have been bred irresponsibly with breeds that are erratically tempered. AmStaffs were bred for thier loyalty and never-give-up-ness, and will die trying to protect a master or loved one, never stopping until it can no longer move, assuming there is a threat. AmStaffs should never be bred with anything but an even tempered AmStaff, because you very likely will end up with the kind of dog gangsta rappers love having in slow motion pulling at thier chains throwing slobber all over the place in their videos. These are the dogs that escape chains and fences and kill the children that were taunting them innocent victims. Truth be told, Cocker Spaniels injure more people in the U.S. every year than Pit Bulls. Cocker Spaniels are fucking evil. So are hamsters, but that's another story all together...
2: Dreamer was named after her tendency to "chase rabbits" in her sleep. If you have never seen this, imagine a dog asleep, lying on her side, making full-on running motions with her legs, with excited little sleep barks emanating from her throat.
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'email@example.com'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to firstname.lastname@example.org.)