{Editors note: This was written December 12th, 2005, 2:55pm.}
Know in those cop shows when Good Cop and Bad Cop have to go to the morgue to either ID a body or ask The Coroner whether or not some unlikely murder method is possible?

Inevitably, Good Cop goes “Ughh!,” violently turning away, putting his hand over his nose/mouth as they approach the hard-at-work Cononer. Coroner and Bad Cop share a knowing glance as Coroner places the meatball sub he was eating onto the exposed abdomen of the cadaver whose chest he had just finished opening. Cornor then hands a small tube to Good Cop.

“Mentholatum Jelly,” he explains. “It’ll help take the edge of the smell. You just put a dab under your nose like this.”

Well, I just discovered that Icy Hot works just great if you don’t happen to have any Mentholatum Jelly around. It virtually eliminates that black, putrifying smell — I know you know the one I mean, it always accompanies a decaying corpse — if you slather your moustache liberally with it.

Plus, there’s the added benefit of a strong unpleasant burning sensation in the mucus membranes, helping encourage faster digging, hurrying along your body disposal job.

Thanks Icy Hot!

{UPDATED December 12th 2005, 3:08pm}: Removing the Icy Hot from your moustache after the completion of your unpleasant task is not something I would recommend. You thought your mucus membranes were burning before the hot water got it into every nook and cranny of them? In the future I’ll simply shave off said moustache before liberally slathering Icy Hot all over my upper lip.

{UPDATED May 29, 2006, 5:12pm}: Shaving off your moustache right before applying Icy Hot is not something I recommend either. It burns like hell. Always make sure you wait at least a day or two between the shaving and the applying. How long you wait is up to you, but the longer you wait the less painful it will be. I just rinsed it off immediately and have decided to wait longer.

{UPDATED June 24, 2006 2:27pm}: Apparently the longer you wait, the worse the smell is. This will require more Icy Hot, which of course burns more. I don’t recommend waiting this long.