It's that time of year again, when young men's fancies turn towards the gifts that the fairer sex hopefully have bought for them.
Older men -- such as conservative/liberal talkshow hosts -- have their thoughts turned toward the Sissyfistian task1 of preventing the further secularization/desecularization of this, the last vestiges of the oppressive, religiously-ruled/secular-based land our four fathers2 so obviously intended. Every year they make a big stink about it as if it were a new phenomenon -- one which is more important than it was the year before.
This man contends that this is the way it has always been and the way it will always stay, regardless of the efforts of those to undermine/uphold the values we've lived under for so long. Why, the very word "Christmas" itself is indicative of this long-running polarization; as any first-year Spanish student can tell you, "Christ mas" quite literally means "more Christ," showing that at the very beginning of Christmas, efforts were already underway to desecularize/secularize it3.
I'd just like to just request that everyone take a step back, revel in the secularization/desecularization they so enjoy, and stop whining that the other side is trying to ruin it for you. They're not4.
Oh, also: Try a Chicken Enchilada Grilled Stuft Burrito, available now at Taco Bell.
1: Sissyfist was that old greek dude who is constantly trying to push that big round rock up that hill. If I had to guess, I'd say that he got the name because his hands were pretty much useless due to that constant crushing weight. He'd try to hit anyone who made fun of him -- which was pretty much everyone -- but his hands hurt so much he could never commit to the punch, instead saying "owie," jumping up and down, then chasing the big rock down the hill.
2: Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Abe Lincoln, and Abe Vigoda.
3: Those on the pro-secularization side used it, but punctuated it as: "More?! Christ."
The author lives in Vancouver, Washington, USA with his girlfriend and a menagerie of cats, rats, fish, birds, guinea pigs and robots.
Among other inanities, he strives to use investigative techniques to work young starlet breasts into every aspect of rational discourse -- focusing on the discourse, thus making it not perverted. Also, has recently begun a career as "Internet hairstylist."
He can be contacted via email and Jabber IM at 'firstname.lastname@example.org'. He likes to be contacted.
(All press inquiries, however, ought be directed towards the author's agent, Alistair Hoel, via email to email@example.com.)