nyquil.org

Religulous Review

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 15:46:06 -0700

Just got home from Bill Maher’s “documentary” Religulous. Very enjoyable, but suffers from the same blight that seems to befall all theatrical “documentaries;” there’s either no thesis to be found, or nothing in the meat of the film to support the stated thesis.

Much of the film does a really good job of pointing out all the silly little things that followers of various religions take for granted as being normaller than all the crazy stuff those other religions teach, largely in ways that even fervent proponents of said religions can take to heart without being too offended. Not to say that Bill Maher doesn’t show off his usual level of douchebaggary, slyly making fun of people through irony to which they don’t catch on. There’s plenty of that in the film, some of it really funny. While adding to the enjoyment of the film, these awkward moments are often filled with pretty heavy-handed edits that really make me wonder what, exactly, it was that was really said/meant. Not sure whether what was depicted was real, but very sure that it was funny.

All in all, if one is looking for a Jackass / Da Ali G Show-style collection of disparate funny situations (possibly taken out of context) poking light-hearted fun at various tenets of the religious, one will not be disappointed with this film. This reviewer, however was left cold by both Maher’s stated thesis (that religion is going to lead man to its doom) and the fact that he didn’t actually use any of the film’s screen time to support it. He opened and closed the film in Megiddo, talking about prophesy and mankind’s inherent need to destroy itself, but everything in-between was the religious equivalent of fart jokes. Mormon underwear, Jihadist rappers, intergalactic overlords; really, the only “ha ha religion is so silly” element missing was the prophecies embedded in so-called Bible Code. But it sure was funny.

Next time, Bill, I’d suggest keeping it light-hearted; abandon your unsupported thesis and let us enjoy your religious fart jokes for what they are: really funny religious fart jokes.

For those looking for a more light-hearted, informational (and oddly more reverent) look at the various idiosyncrasies Earth’s religions manifest, I’d heartily suggest checking out Australia’s John Safran VS. God as well as Religulous. You won’t be disappointed.

(Here’s a little taste, courtesy of some nice bloke on YouTube: John Safran on The Bible Code.)

"Biden did the job for Democrats while Palin sounded like Kozinski's Chance the Gardener mouthing empty phrases."

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:04:55 -0700

Hastily composited image re: massive media comparison of Sarah Palin to Chance the gardener:

Independence from Oil: some stumbling blocks and a solution.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:07:09 -0700

I think I’ve stumbled across the solution to our problem of addiction to fuel of foreign origin and am going to share it with you now.

One of the most promising forms of alternate fuel is biodiesel, in that it requires no significant investment to run in many of today’s cars. There’s one little problem with biodiesel, though: we can’t possibly grow enough plant matter to supply all of our cars’ consumptive needs. Even if we all became vegetarians and stopped farming cattle — instead using all the plant matter we feed to them now to make biodiesel instead — we wouldn’t have enough. In addition, if we all stopped eating PLANTS as well as cattle, all the crops we grow now wouldn’t be enough to power our cars either.

There are many different forms of local, renewable non-oil fuel that have been discussed, be they electric, solar, smug, hydrogen or a multitude of others. The problem with those is that there’s no easy way to quickly convert existing cars to this new, untested fuel.

This means that if we’re going to adopt one of these fuels for use in all our Escalades and Hummers, it’s probably going to involve quitting oil “cold turkey,” buying new alternate-energy-powered Escalades and Hummers. This is a significant hassle. A “deal-breaker,” if I may. Americans are simply not going to want to get rid of their old Escalades and Hummers before their leases are up. This means that a hypothetical switchover will take years and years to complete in a best-case scenario, and more likely will never even begin at all.

It was while thinking of this problem that I stumbled suddenly upon my solution: cold turkey. Every Thanksgiving, billions of American households cook copious amounts of turkey, much of which never even gets eaten. I propose legislation both mandating a minimum size for Thanksgiving turkeys and limits on how much each person can consume, ensuring the maximum amount of leftovers.

Suddenly we have billions of pounds of turkey which can be rendered down into biodiesel to fuel our existing Hummers. You’re welcome, America.

The Future of Mixtapes

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 09:45:09 -0700

A few days ago the muxtape guy broke silence on what’s going on with him and the RIAA. Short answer: he gave up. Probably wisely.

As predicted, muxtape as you knew it is gone forever. There are, however, a number of contenders trying really hard to slide into everyone’s consciousness as the replacement for muxtape. Favetape, for instance, is one of the most high-profile of the bunch. They’ve been doing a number of really cool things in the mixtape space, leaving me with little doubt that they’re going to be the de-facto place people make their mixtapes.

Until THEY get into things with the RIAA, that is. Sure, their model does not involve hosting any files (which is pretty dang cool, actually), but at the end of the day they’re generating referral revenue using content for which they don’t have a license. They will get shut down too. Unless they work out some kind of deal with the RIAA — which means you’re probably going to have to pay to use them.

So where does that leave us? The best solution that I see right now is to install Opentape; it’s simple, fast, and low-profile enough that your friends can continue to hear your mixes without the threat of some money-grubbers getting shut down. You COULD decide to go with favtape or mixtube or one of the others, but at the end of they day they’re trying to make a buck off you — which is the best way to ensure that they cease to exist. (The RIAA/BMI/ASCAP does not like it when you make money involving music. If your business even has a radio playing within earshot of your customers, you’re required to pay them the appropriate license. Same goes for “on-hold” music.)

For the future? Hold on to your butts, for I’ve got a couple ideas in the works that may make mixtaping even easier with less risk of being shut down. If I have such ideas, you can be sure OTHER people do as well, which will make up for the fact that I’m notorious for getting all excited about a project and then completely abandoning it after very little of the work has been done.

In the meantime, though: seriously check out Opentape.

Illustration: I thought of this slightly before waking this morning.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 08:19:44 -0700

THis news has hindered me unable to write a cohesive blog post. Sorry.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:39:43 -0700

New Hitchhiker’s Guide to be published… seven years after the author’s death

You know, it was bad enough reading the posthumously published A Salmon of Doubt — what with its snippets and explanations of changes that Douglas Adams PLANNED to make, ultimately turning the long-desired Dirk Gently story into a sixth Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy installment — but the idea of letting someone else entirely write a final book? That just seems like trouble to me. At least A Salmon of Doubt was cobbled together from various differing versions found on Mr. Adams’s‘s hard drive — taking the best bits from each — and thus maintaining some of Douglas’ intentions. Having someone completely create something from scratch just to “put an upbeat end to it” actually kind of offends me.

Look: I feel lousy enough that they actually succeeded in putting out a movie version, thus selling a poor interpretation of the thing we all love and adore to those who never understood it. (I imagine the un-initiated viewing that movie and saying “THAT’s what those nerds were reading all the time? Geez. What NERDS.”)

Seriously, world, STOP WITH THE DOING WHAT YOU THINK DEAD PEOPLE WOULD HAVE WANTED just so you can make a buck. I sincerely doubt that Douglas would want someone else to determine the fates of his characters.

What’s next? Putting a hit out on J.K. so that Beverly Cleary can write the “eighth Potter book?”

Arg.

(This was brought to my attention by Michael Hanscom, who maintains a fantastic set of interesting links, many of which I’m not aware at the time I read them.)

Testing some Opentape changes I've been playing with.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:15:00 -0700

This is both a test and a mixtape. A little more of the prior than the latter, but I think the songs are decent.

I’ve been poking around in Opentape lately, adding things to make it better. I emailed them about incorporating things into actual opentape, but have not heard back from them.

I’m considering forking Opentape since a lot of what I want to add kind of conflicts with their philosophy of simplicity. Forking is generally frowned-upon, so we’ll see… I’m kicking around ‘SchmopenTape’ for the name, though, of my hypothetical fork.

Anyway, here goes:

iframe required, visit actual post to view.

I’ve added the ability to put in descriptions of songs, the auto-generation of Amazon links based on the artist/title of the song, as well as Amazon Affiliate ID support. (Meaning that when someone uses that link and buys something, you get some moneys.)

If anyone wants my changes, drop me a line.

The Best McCain / Palin Ad I've Ever Seen

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 05:49:46 -0700

I awoke this morning to an IM containing a link to the following image. I don’t know who made it and I don’t know where it came from, but I do know that it is brilliant.

If anyone has information on the creator of this image, I’d sure like to hear about it and give them credit.

TITLE OF POST

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:39:57 -0700

Excerpt from the Smallville Gazette, May 4th, 19[REDACTED]:

Dr. Franklin Sondheim is perplexed at the appearance of radiation burns on the entire Smallville High cheer-leading squad.

“The burns are of the type normally associated with long-term exposure to X-ray radiation. The curious part is that the burns appear almost exclusively within the area covered by undergarments. The breasts and pubic region are the most affected, but some burns appear on the buttocks as well. If I didn’t know better, I’d think someone were using some sort of X-ray ‘scope’ to peek under their clothes.”

The only thing these girls have in common is that they stand on the sidelines the entire time the Smallville High football team practices and plays games.

Initially thought to be an allergic reaction to their new uniforms, the girls’ condition has been rapidly worsening since the beginning of the play-offs. Several of the girls visited Dr. Sondheim, who diagnosed the condition as radiation poisoning.

From Disappointment to Enjoyment: I sheepishly listen to the new Metallica record, and end up loving it.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 17:44:18 -0700

A few days ago, I got my hands on a pre-release copy of Metallica’s latest album, “Death Magnetic.”

Now, I was once a pretty hardcore Metallica fan; in my youth preferring the “Master of Puppets”-era sound, my taste eventually maturing to find the “Load” sound to be preferable. After that live album they recorded with the SF symphony and Michael Kamen, as well as the all-covers album, I was really excited to hear a new studio album, because the songwriting on the new songs from the symphony show was really fantastic — and the band had never sounded better on the covers album.

Sadly they kind of lost me with the eventual release of “St. Anger.” After a considerable amount of time, I did come to find a couple of the songs on that album tolerable, but my overall disappointment in them not sounding like I expected was kind of a downer.

It was with that disappointment in mind that I hesitantly decided to give “Death Magnetic” listen. I’m really glad I did, because over the last couple days I’ve found the album to be really fantastic. Nobody is more surprised than me at that fact. Many of the songs have really catchy grooves and riffs, really earworming themselves into my head.

I’ve picked my three favorite of the songs from the album and popped them into my Opentape installation (which I’ve been adding features to) for your listening pleasure. It’s with hope that other disheartened fans — and perhaps some newcomers as well — might give the album the fair chance it really deserves.

(if you can’t see the embedded player, click on over to my mixtape via this link)

Oh, and please don’t go linking to this. I just want to share some great music with my friends and promote the album — not get sued by Metallica :) If you like what you hear, the album comes out on Sept. 12th.

Recycled content: Recent Twitter posts

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:20:52 -0700

I cracked myself up with a comment and have to share: http://flickr.com/photos/dd… about 1 hour ago from web

“The police are on their way, Batman!” : http://tinyurl.com/5ujvcd about 2 hours ago from web

Playing with iGoogle for first time. I Just added a tab named ‘Porn’ and Google thoughtfully populated it with actual porn. Amazing. about 17 hours ago from web

“No! You get outta here! No ‘Happy Beginning!!!’ What you think, this
massage parlor?! This handjob parlor. You no come back!” 09:10 AM August 26, 2008 from Twinkle

In order to reduce gang violence, does the Red Cross hold ‘Crip drives’ in certain Los Angeles neighborhoods? 08:59 PM August 25, 2008 from TwitterFon

After much thought, I’ve decided to carry a gun at all times. Never
know when my grandson is going to try to come back in time to kill me. 09:49 AM August 09, 2008 from web

My hypothetical grandson has still not come through time to attempt to kill me. He must be biding his… Er, time.09:13 AM August 13, 2008 from Twinkle

Creepy Christian song last.fm played me today: http://tinyurl.com/5uaohg (listen to the words) 06:11 PM August 12, 2008 from web

Thinking of getting a large, shirtless Danny Trejo tattooed all across my chest. 05:29 PM August 12, 2008 from Twinkle

After sequel failed to meet sales expectations, Warners considering allowing Tim Burton to use his unique vision to reboot BATMAN franchise. 11:58 AM August 12, 2008 from Twinkle

Theory: spider web is nature’s cotton candy. 12:10 PM August 09, 2008 from Twinkle

Spider web is NOT — I repeat, NOT — nature’s cotton candy. 12:11 PM August 09, 2008 from Twinkle

IM log: nerds conversing

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:09:36 -0700

(06:04:05 PM) Rob Pascarella: god, i need to lay off the video games
(06:06:26 PM) me: yes
(06:06:35 PM) me: Jesus Would Lay Off the Video Games
(06:07:05 PM) Rob Pascarella: lol
(06:07:32 PM) Rob Pascarella: i was trying to hang my punching bag this weekend but i can’t seem to find the ceiling beams
(06:07:54 PM) me: turn off clipping
(06:08:00 PM) Rob Pascarella: lol
(06:08:19 PM) Rob Pascarella: you know, real life would be easier if you could do that
(06:08:27 PM) me: indeed
(06:08:28 PM) Rob Pascarella: see stuff in just wire frame view
(06:09:05 PM) me: you could re-skin the ugly people
(06:09:11 PM) Rob Pascarella: lol
(06:09:23 PM) Rob Pascarella: ugly goes to the polygon, man

If you’d like to have this sort of experience in person, I can be reached via Jabber/Google Talk at jer@nyquil.org

This is a test.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:33:19 -0700

I’ve been playing a little with this iPhone streaming video client recently, and want to have any videos I shoot with it eventually show up here with no intervention from me. This is phase one of the test, wherein I see whether the embedding actually gets passed through to all the places that RSSify it. If it works, then I’ll see about automating things.

Please let me know whether or not it works wherever you are reading this. Particularly if it doesn’t. Thanks.

Long Time Forgotten: I update a little on what I've been up to while I haven't been here.

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:19:46 -0700

Hello Internet. Long time no see.

Since it’s been so long since we’ve spoken, I’ve amassed a number of things I wanted to share with you. Sadly, I’ve forgotten most of them. Here’s the first one I remember.

1) I can no longer live under the protective mantra of “Oh, I’d never BUY an iPhone, I just use this one because I won it in a contest.” That’s right. I bought an iPhone 3G. Go ahead, mock — I’ll wait. So the purchasal of the 3G is noteworthy for another reason: it marked my first venture into an Apple Store.

Know how when, walking into a skyscraper or something, there’s often an air pressure differential? Where, you can feel the conditioned air ruffling your clothes and hair as you open the door? That’s what the Apple Store is like, except that the pressure differential is not with the air, it’s with SMUG. You can sort of smell the smug leaking out around the doorframe as you approach, but when you open that door… it’s almost overpowering. If my hair weren’t firmly glazed up in a mohawk prior to entering, the blast of smug would surely have formed a fauxhawk of some sort. Those hipster glasses? They’re not so much for fashion as they are EYE PROTECTION from the smug.

The first thing you notice about the Apple Store is just how many employees there are. The second thing you notice is that none of them can actually HELP you. I asked if they had any 3Gs in stock and was told:

“Yep! We sure do!”

I let a full beat pass before adding:

“Well, can I BUY one?”

This required her flagging down some other ~~hipster~~ employee, who passed me off at least 3 more times. Then I was left standing for 5 minutes while the latest hipster went to go try to find a 3G for me to purchase. While Hipster #5 was in search of my iPhone, I got to witness a conversation that nearly made my head explode. It was between a Typical Mac Owner and an Apple Store Hipster, and it went like this:

TMO: “Hi, I bought this iPhone and I can’t get it to work.”

ASH: “Oh? What happened?”

TMO: “Well, I plugged it into my Mac and iTunes said it needed to upgrade itself to version 7.7”

ASH: “Right.”

TMO: “So I tried to do that, but it said it couldn’t.”

ASH: “Right. You must be running Kitten.”

TMO: “Yeah. I am.”

ASH: “WELL, iTunes 7.7 requires that you be running Sabretooth, not Kitten.”

TMO: “Oh. So I need to upgrade in order to use this $200 phone I just bought?”

ASH: “Yep!”

TMO: “So I just run Mac Update —”

ASH: “Oh, no, you have to BUY Sabretooth. That’ll be $299.”

TMO: “Wait… so, in order to use this $200 phone I just bought, I have to spend like another $300 to upgrade my operating system first?”

ASH: “Yep!”

TMO: “... ... OK! Let’s do that! HERE ARE MY CREDIT CARDS!”

That conversation ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Geez. Apple customers…

Anyway, all said and done, I got out of there with an iPhone 3G. Most of the smug did eventually come off — not all of it, mind you; Apple smug can never really be completely removed. I still catch my internal monologue mocking people without iPhones sometimes.

After getting home, I proceeded to get all the contacts from my old iPhone to show up on the new one. This took 45 minutes of frustrated fighting with iTunes on D’s machine. In the end, after only ending up with the contents of D’s Outlook contacts on my phone, I decided to try letting iTunes sync my contacts to Google Contacts. That did the trick. Except that now every email address that has ever sent mail to my gmail account is now a contact on my iPhone. Good thing the phone app filters contacts to show only the ones that have phone numbers associated — wait? It DOESN’T filter them? Whose stupid frakking idea was THAT? So now, in addition to thousands of contacts on my phone, all the people who have both a phone number AND were in my Google Contacts have duplicate entries in my address book. Well, not DUPLICATE, per se; one has phone number, another has email address. Thanks, Apple.

So the iPhone 3G has GPS capability that is quite awesome. Many apps support it, allowing you to, for instance, look up movie listings without having to put in a location. Find which of the five Starbuckses that you can currently see is the closest. Stuff like that. It’s really great — or WOULD be, if it didn’t always think I was in Houston, Texas whenever 3G is turned on. (Which is pretty much always… why would you turn it OFF?)

Despite this annoying crap, a jailbroken iPhone is by far the most “open” internet device/phone I’ve ever used, so I’m unapologetic about my love for it. It does make me feel a little funny, though, being seen with one. The anti-hipster in me cringes and can only be quieted by showing it all the awesome stuff MY iPhone can do that Apple doesn’t approve of.

That preposition at the end of that sentence means it’s time for me to once again bid you adieu.

Two Years and Counting: my dedication to researching breast manipulation continues to be rewarded

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:40:22 -0700

Long-time readers may be interested to learn the following:

For Jer’s dogged persistence in his examination of Emma Watson, I have decided, finally, at long last, to award him another third of the Gleeson Researcher of the Century award, bringing his total accumulated earnings to five-sixths of an award.

Cool, huh?