So I was thinking about the now-infamous shoe attack on President George W. Bush, and I was reminded of something someone’s grandpa used to say: “close only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades.”

The journalist who threw his shoes came pretty darn close to hitting George, BOTH times, without even a twitch from the secret service between the first salvo and the second. He got close, but seeing as how thiis is neither horseshoes nor hand-grenades, it just resulted in funny newsreports world-wide.

Imagine, however, how the situation would have played out if the shoe-thrower in question had been Richard Reid, the so-called “Shoe Bomber” responsible for us having to take our shoes off at airport security. BLAMMO! Every future press conference would then feature reporters in just their socks, slipping and falling on the polished marble floors. “Mr. President, I’d like to ask you about your space policy; but first, check out how well I can moonwalk.”

At this time, I’d also like for you to imagine how it would have played out had it been Reed Richards — the stretchy “Mr. Fantastic” of Fantastic Four fame — who had attacked Dubya with his shoes. He wouldn’t have even needed to THROW the shoes; he could just kick from wherever he was standing, definitely able to hit his mark.

That would have been AWESOME.