With only 3 produced episodes, the first unsuccessful LAW & ORDER spin-off was scrapped due to the fact that, in the end, it was always Hitler that did it.  All that remains of The History Channel’s first dramatic series is this title screen:

Click to embiggify.

I’ve been experimenting a bit with pancakes lately and have some findings to report.

I’ve been substituting some of the water in my pancakes for applesauce, both for flavor reasons and texture reasons.  See, applesauce functions rather well as an emulsifier, kind of holding everything together.  It will perform much the same function as eggs or oil in pretty much any recipe, while reducing the calories/fat/cholesterol/whatever added by those things, and adding a subtle sweetness component to your food at the same time.  [For a healthy treat, try replacing all the oil from brownie mixes with applesauce; far less bad-for-you-stuff, same (or even “improved”) brownie texture. Or, try adding applesauce to your French toast batter for the moistest French toast ever.]

The first time I substituted half a cup of the required 1.5 cups water for applesauce and found the cakes an improvement.  They don’t really taste “appley,” per se, but the texture is a little bit more “chewey” despite the pancakes being extremely thick and airy.  It came out so well that today I decided to kick it up a notch and substitute a whole cup of the required cup and a half water.  The result was pancakes that were even better than the prior batch.  The only thing you need to watch out for is that the applesauce adds quite a lot of sugar to the cakes (but it’s “natural-found-in-fruit”-type sugar), which causes extra browning.  You can compensate for this by turning the heat down a little; they’ll cook a tad more slowly, but they’ll come out wonderfully.  I’ve got quite a sweet tooth, usually preferring to drown my pancakes in syrup, but I found these to be darn tasty all by themselves.  They’re still not really “appley” in flavor, but they’re excellent, and not really dry like thick fluffy cakes usually are.

This applies primarily to “instant” or “just add water” style commercial pancake mixes, but I see no reason why it wouldn’t work equally well if you are making your pancakes from scratch.  The batter may seem alarmingly thick, and you will have to kind of “coax” it into pancake shapes on your griddle, but resist the temptation to add more liquid.  Your faith will both be rewarded.

Be sure to let me know your results if you try it — especially if I ruin your breakfast.

Hey, remember when I mistook John McCain for John McClane, linking to livefreeordiehard.com as his campaign page? Well now, COINCIDENTALLY, Twentieth Century Fox Films has done the same thing, even using “Yippie Kay Yay America” as a slogan like I did, linking right from livefreeordiehard.com with a bumper sticker graphic very similar to the one I made. And how were people getting to livefreeordiehard.com to see the advertisement? That’s right, those thousands of people were getting there because I had the common decency to link them there.

Stephen Colbert may have made Mike Huckabee (and Conan O’Brian made Stephen Colbert (and John Stewart made Conan O’Brian))), but it’s clear that it is I who made the viable candidate that is John McClane.

Granted, I never followed through by making a full-on campaign page because it was too much work for a stupid joke, but it gave Fox the opportunity to show that there is NOTHING TOO STUPID, provided someone comes up with it for them first. On the plus side, their site looks JUST LIKE the one I was going to make, so that’s all good. I particularly like the quote about John putting himself in his opponent’s shoes. I’d link to it, except that unlike my version of the site, theirs is entirely flash and impossible to use.

Anyway, to the people at 20th Century Fox I only have one thing to say: “You’re welcome.”

Had a mini road-trip today, during which I invented a new type of turn signal. Rather than indicating to other vehicles on the highway that I intend to change lanes, this new signal will indicate to them that they should do so. This is most useful when people are attempting to merge onto the highway, and would solve a constant frustration of mine. Seriously, people can’t merge on their own, and I feel that an additional signal would go a long ways towards solving this problem. (Initially my idea was for the indicator to CAUSE the other person’s car to change lanes, but I’m not sure that even I would be able to use that only for good — let alone all the idiots that can’t merge on their own in the first place.

I’m not even going to charge money to license this technology; I feel the good this will do for mankind far outweighs the potential profits from it. You’re welcome, world.

In other news, we’re off to an ‘adults-only’ member night at our local Museum of Science and Industry. A quick peek at the website has taught me that it’s not quite the evening I had imagined when D sold me on the idea a few months ago; rather it’s just an evening where no one under 21 is admitted so the adults can enjoy fancy appetizers and ‘sciency’ cocktails. My imagined version was much better, but the real one sounds like it might be fun too. What’s better than Chinese dinosaur bones? Slightly tipsy rich people to appreciate my sophisticated ‘bones’ humor all evening.

I’m working on a new book. Here’s part of the cover: