nyquil.org (Entries tagged as news)

Oz Trip '08: Tuesday Morning Dec 16th

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:23:25 -0800

It's currently 8:25am on Tuesday here in Australia, and I've just enjoyed a fantastic traditional Aussie brekkie. As they say here, "it was yuge!"

From oz 08

It was also mighty delicious. I could get used to roasted tomatoes, mushrooms and baked beans with my breakfast.

D just headed off to the train station to head to work, leaving me here at the cafe to take advantage of the free wifi to update y'all and to upload some photos. As promised, I've taken some photos of the greatest energy drink ever made:

From oz 08

It was really tasty, but I can't report any kind of psychedelic effects. Bummer :)

Before heading to breakfast this morning, I watched the local news broadcasts on telly, sort of round-robining through the 3 different news stations each time they got to the sport report. The big stories this morning are that the 30th ATM in Sydney was exploded during the night (they didn't get any cash this time, however), a famous Aussie bloke with the nickname "Chopper" was attacked by a nutter with a tomahawk, and that after months of talking up the 20-20-20 plan (reduce carbon footprint by 20% by the year 2020) was just reduced to 5%. There is apparently much protesting. Oh, also, there was great coverage of the Iraqi journalist who threw both his shoes at George W. Bush during a press conference.

I got a little bit sunburned whilst walking around yesterday, and one of my eyes is completely bloodshot after the plane flight. Now I understand why they call late night plane flights the "red-eye." International travel tip: it is counter-intuitive, but it's actually better to sit in the middle part of your plane's row as opposed to the aisle. At this point I feel pretty fantastic, not at all jetlagged at all. (Other than waking up at 5am local time and unable to continue to sleep.)

No phone connection yet, but at this point I'm seriously considering just not bothering. I'm clearly rather addicted to always being connected, and it will probably do me some good to have to go out of my way to check in. Anyway, catch you later. I'll check in later with some more things I've found interesting.

Have Movies Taught Us Nothing?: episode 2

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:27:21 -0700

Dangerous animal virus on US mainland? - Yahoo! News

The Bush administration is likely to move its research on one of the most contagious animal diseases from an isolated island laboratory to the U.S. mainland near herds of livestock, raising concerns about a catastrophic outbreak.

Can prehistoric mammoths now be cloned? - RussiaToday

The creature’s organs were also perfectly preserved, and its heart could be clearly seen with the help of computer scanning techniques. Some experts hope that the perfect condition in which the body of the mammoth was found could allow extricate intact DNA from his cells, and, as a result, clone the animal in future.

'God Particle' Expected to Be Found Soon - The Associated Press

The new Geneva collider will re-create the rapidly changing conditions in the universe a split second after the Big Bang. It will be the closest that scientists have come to the event that they theorize was the beginning of the universe. They hope the new equipment will enable them to study particles and forces yet unobserved.

Artificial sperm takes men out of equation - NEWS.com.au

ARTIFICIAL human sperm could come to the aid of infertile men, according to a team of scientists who have used lab-grown sperm to inseminate female mice. Dr Engel said if sperm could be grown in the lab, it would be possible to take early germ cells from one woman, turn them into sperm cells, and use those to fertilise the egg of another woman.

Cloning long-dead species, recreating the Big Bang, making cattle viruses easier for cattle to catch, creating a man-less utopia -- what could go wrong? I mean, it's not like these scenarios haven't all been done TO HORRIBLE EFFECT in movies, right?

This stuff boggles the mind...

Have Movies Taught Us Nothing?

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:01:53 -0700

New Species Of Infectious Disease Found In Amazon "Hey, a new species of infectious disease! Let's bring it home!" Yes, and be sure to cross-breed it with bird-flu and SARS-thrax too while you're at it.

Man with suicide victim's heart kills self It is a well-documented fact that if you put part of a killer inside an otherwise-normal person who happens to need that part, he will become a killer as well. I mean, duh.

From now on I'm keeping my eye open for this type of story in hopes to make this a continuing series. There is just so much that the movies teach us about the world that's completely ignored; maybe I can make a small difference, possibly preventing this type of thing in the future.

Scare-orism: an examination of two news stories

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Tue, 15 May 2007 19:12:13 -0700

Gunman "Terror" Story #1

[story from Portland Cacophony Society mailing list member "Lance from France", as none of the online stories have any information anymore]

A man went to attend a Yoga class at Linn Benton Community College this morning, wearing a plain ordinary grey trenchcoat. It was not even black, like the ones in the movie THE MATRIX.

Yet, the sight of him caused a complete panic on the campus this morning. A student imagined that he was carrying something under the coat, perhaps a sawed off shotgun. The Linn County Sheriff's Emergency Response team rushed to the college, as well as city police officers from both Corvallis and Lebanon. The school was put in a complete lockdown.

Well, the police quickly tracked him down, and burst into the Yoga class with drawn pistols and assault rifles. It turns out the man was unarmed, and had nothing on him. But he was immediately taken away under police escort for further questioning as to why he was wearing a trenchcoat on campus. There was video footage on TV from a news helicopter showing theofficers with him as he was being escorted. His car was also searched, but nothing was found in it either.

Although there is no indication at this time that any real threat everexisted, the college announced that it will stay in lockdown until 4:30pm today, effectively shutting the school down the entire day. Police are continuing to sweep the school as a precaution, and checking for nearby donut stands.

Gunman "Terrorism" Story #2

During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on locked door.

After the lights went out, about 20 kids started to cry, 11-year-old Shay Naylor said. "I was like, 'Oh My God,' " she said. "At first I thought I was going to die. We flipped out."

The first instance was a completely imagined threat blown way out of proportion by panicked school officials. The second was school officials LYING to clueless students about an imagined threat. Which one is getting all the press coverage? Which one is more outrageous?

Sure, the teachers in the second story used bad judgement and probably ought to be reprimanded somehow, but the poor guy in the first story did absolutely nothing wrong, yet was detained and questioned by the cops, and an entire school was shut down for the day. Over NOTHING

I have lots of outrage to share around, but most of it goes out towards the people behind story #1. These "better safe than sorry" reactions have got to stop.

Oh, and stop telling kids there are things to be scared of when you know perfectly well you just made them up.

My outrage at the grammar in their outrage

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:56:38 -0700

Know what I find more disturbing than the reaction over the whole Don Imus thing?

The fact that over 1/6th of all the visible reactions to it are by people who think that the plural of "ho" contains an apostrophe.

187,000 people too many. 1,210,000 people know it, but that's not nearly enough.

An Unconventional Truth: A look at our current crop of '08 candidates

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 12:39:41 -0700

Throughout history, many of mankind's greatest leaders in political and military strategy, rational thought, and respectableness have worn beards. There's Abe Lincoln, General Custer, Col. Sanders, Ulysses S. Grant, and many, many more. The list simply boggles the mind.

It was with this idea in mind that I've decided to take an unconventional look at the candidates for 2008's US Presidential election as they stand now. I've taken the most-viable two (as the radio host and callers I listened to the other day decided) candidates from both the Republican-Americans and the Democrat party and examined them for beard-worthyness. In theory, the one with the best beard will win.

First up on the Democrat party side: Senator Barack Obama.

As you can see, his beard is quite distinguished, giving him an air of authority and the look of a debonair attitue. Just a hint of gray to show how wise he is; very well-kempt.

Not bad, Barack. Not bad at all.

First up on the Republican-American side: Governor Mitt Romney.

Mitt has his work cut out for him if he wants to overcome the negative stigma that most Americans give to being a Mormon. From the looks of his beard, however, Mitt is in very good standing. Nice coloration gives him a statesmanly appearance, with only the slightest hint of crazy. (In these uncertain times, I believe that we could really use a bit of crazy in a leader.)

I think he's ahead of Barack at this point, despite his Latter-Day Saint background.

Next up for the Democrat party: Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton-Brimley.

Being a woman would typically count a contender out of both a beard contest and a Presidential election, but Ms. Clinton has made some incredible inroads this election cycle. Americans are slowly coming around to accepting her vision of the future, and are rather impressed with the amount of growth she can achieve -- both in her poll numbers and her facial hair. Sure, her beard isn't quite up on par with that of a man's, but I think that in light of her not being one, the beard is the least of her troubles.

She's done better than I would have expected, but she's currently trailing behind both Obama and Romney at this point.

Lastly, we have Senator¹ John McClane for the Republican-American party:

As you can very clearly see, despite his reliance on headwear, Senator McClane comes out head and shoulders above the rest of his competition. His beard is incredibly distinguished, very becoming, and has more than enough crazy in there to get the job done.

I'm currently calling the 2008 Presidential election in favor of Senator John McClane. Sure, he's a Republican, but if a member of the Democrat party comes forward with a better beard, I'll gladly throw my vote their way. Nearly every day someone new suggests that they might be throwing in their hat (and/or towel), so we'll have to see how it goes.

1: I was as surprised as you to hear he was a Senator, but in all the talk on the radio I heard the other day, everyone kept referring to him as "Senator John McClane." Who am I to argue with people who clearly know more than me?

A Brief Foray Into Campaign Season

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:48:42 -0700

I try to avoid politics as much as humanly possible, but today heard some speculation about possible Republican candidates. One in particular jumped right out at me as a particularly great choice, and I immediately decided to back him.

Unable to find any campaign materials online, I decided to make my own.

Click to embiggen

Please feel free to print out the larger version should you want to show your support as well.

John Bolton: More Power Than We Know?

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 15:24:00 -0700

UPDATE: This post was originally written in April of 2005.

After being completely oversaturated with coverage about John Bolton's United Nations opponent-turned-Ambassador nomination status, my own personal research has caused me to come to a startling conclusion:

In the early 80's, John Bolton secretly stole world-renowned SciFi Channel psychic Peter James' prized moustache and eyebrows, leaving his own in its place.

Without further ado, here's some photographic evidence:

That's Peter James on the left, while John Bolton is on the right. Clearly those moustaches and eyebrows have been switched.

I'm actually kind of surprised that a psychic of Peter's ability would be powerless to stop the switch from happening, or even notice that it had taken place. In case you are unfamilair with Peter's work, he has visited many historically significant haunted places, eerily telling of people and events he is "seeing." The amazing bit is how accurate he is when you compare his "visions" with the extremely well documented (and publicly known) versions of the same events -- events that the curators of said haunted places tell people about as part of the tour.

It is simply astounding that he could be so aware of the things happening around him and still miss the replacement of his moustache.

Lightning Strikes

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 17:45:24 -0700

Click for larger

This article inspired my creative juices a bit. The above is the net result.

Listen Up TV News

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 12:05:01 -0700

Know how tv weatherpeople get a bad rap for the level of inaccuracy we all know and enjoy in their forecasting ability?

Well, I was thinking about it today and have discovered the cause for this. At some point in time it became trendy -- if you were a tv news programmer -- to hire someone with a degree in meteorology to do your forecasting for you. Now think back. How long has it been since the weather report included "chance of meteor shower" in conjunction with "cloudy with possible sun"? Chances are it's been quite a while, because meteors just don't appear in our sky that often.

Know what does appear in our sky almost daily? Weather.

Listen up tv networks: fire off all your meteorologists and replace them with weatherologists ASAP. That's really the only way you're going to get more accurate forecasts.

Sure, when the Earth's population is decimated (which incidentally, probably doesn't mean what you think it does; look it up) by a surprise meteor shower you'll be able to say "I told you so," but in the meantime, I'll know whether ('whether' and 'weather' are homonyms, nice huh?) to wear sunblock or rainblock (Splatter Protection Factor 40).

Today In Irony

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 18:54:25 -0700

Oregon Liquor Control Commission Director Arrested For Drunk Driving

(Oregon, AP) -- The director of the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, Teresa Kaiser, has been charged with drunken driving, according to the Portland Police Bureau.

Lonn Hoklin, spokesman for Gov. Ted Kulongoski, said Kaiser e-mailed her resignation to members of the OLCC board of directors on Thursday. The e-mail said: "Due to circumstances that I deeply regret, I am resigning as executive director of the commission."

Police spokesman Detective Paul Dolbey said she was stopped Saturday night near Portland's Ross Island bridge. He said he did not have further details.

News Bites

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 14:03:00 -0700

So you've heard about the teacher who was fired after allegedly biting her pupil, but did you hear about:

the rugby player who was banned for biting another player?

Fiji Sevens captain Jone Daunivucu has been banned from all rugby for three months after being found guilty of biting England's Tom Varndell in the final of the Hong Kong Sevens.

Or the man who died after biting his mother's fingers off?

The 41-year-old man died in a mental health unit in Hamilton apparently from natural causes. The man had been charged with wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm after he attacked his 73-year-old mother in her Ngongotaha home on Sunday. She had her eyes badly gouged and her right index finger bitten off.

Or the other man accused of severely biting his mother?

A 49-year-old man was in the county jail Wednesday charged with severely biting his mother's arm after becoming annoyed with her for repeatedly calling for help, police said. Doroty Fisher, 77, told police her son pushed her into a chair on Monday, bit her four times, breaking the skin, and squeezed her arms several times causing deep bruising.

Or the man who has been charged with biting off his neighbors ear (and stabbing him with a pitchfork)?

A ma has been charged with biting off a neighbour's ear and stabbing him with a pitchfork during a dispute in northern New South Wales.

Or the man sentenced for biting off his jailer's finger?

A man convicted of nearly biting the end of a jailer's finger off was sentenced Monday in superior court to two-and-one-half years in the Indiana Department of Corrections.

Or the other HIV-positive man who bit his jailer?

The prisoner however refused to part with the device and hid it in his mouth. When the guards attempted to get it out, Kaverza bit the inspector's index finger savagely. The Prosecutor's Office first charged Kaverza with infecting the inspector with HIV and destabilizing the discipline in a penalty institution. The first charge was however lifted off the defendant after blood tests showed that the inspector had not in fact been infected.

Or the woman charged with biting off her lover's tongue?

Police accused a northwest Ohio woman of biting off a man's tongue. Chad Ringo, 29, remained in intensive care Monday at St. Rita's Medical Center in Lima after unsuccessful attempts to reattach about 30 percent of his tongue, Celina police said. Police said Mescher and Ringo had been involved in a relationship.

Or the man charged with biting both of another man's ears off?

A 35-year-old was attacked when a man entered a house this morning, attacking him and dousing him with a flammable liquid.

Or the school Dean accused of biting a Good Samaritan on the highway?

[The man] was driving on U.S. 41 in northern Evansville on Tuesday night when he hit a vehicle in front of him, according to police reports. A passer-by who stopped to check on Mays tried to stop him from returning to his car. Mays then bent down and bit the man�s calf, leaving a bruise and teeth marks, police said.

Or the other man accused of Road Rage biting?

[The man] then allegedly punched Bolton in the face twice, knocking him to the ground and breaking a bone. But to Bolton's horror, he claims [the man] then began biting his leg, causing

Or the man who with HIV who bit police officers?

A jury listening to the case of an HIV-positive man accused of spitting on and biting West Chester University Police officers returned a mixed verdict.

Or, to bring everything full-circle, the teacher who is suing a student for biting her?

"After getting out of the vehicle and on his way into the school, [the] defendant saw [Price] walking toward the school, ran toward her and then attacked her, causing serious and permanent injuries by throwing her to the ground and biting her on the arm," according to the lawsuit.

human WHAT hybrid?

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 13:12:57 -0800

In this country, our fearless leaders have pointed out the importance of avoiding human-animal hybrids, sparking ~~controversy~~ ridicule from the left and right alike. It is unclear whether Bat Boy (or his new friend Boy Bat) are the impetus behind this bold declaration, but I suspect he was.

In China on the otherhand, they've decided it is of utmost importance to put an end to human-cartoon hybrids. Hopefully Google gets cracking on "doing the right thing", they need to block all those Chinese search requests for Blue's Clues and pretty much any Disney movie made before 1994 ASAP.

Good thing he has an Ambulance on Call

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 17:16:39 -0800

Cheney Shoots Man in Face with Shotgun: says "Whoops."

Armstrong said she was watching from a car while Cheney, Whittington and another hunter got out of the vehicle to shoot at a covey of quail.

Whittington shot a bird and went to look for it in the tall grass, while Cheney and the third hunter walked to another spot and discovered a second covey.

Whittington "came up from behind the vice president and the other hunter and didn�t signal them or indicate to them or announce himself," Armstrong said.

"The vice president didn't see him," she continued. "The covey flushed and the vice president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good."

This raises one question from me: Isn't it illegal to hunt from a vehicle in Texas? I know it is in Washington and Alaska.

Lindsay Lohan Secrets

nospam@example.com (jer@nyquil.org) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 17:49:26 -0800

I'm sure by now you've heard the story of Lindsay Lohan's breakfast adventure at Bryan Adams' London home.

However, according to my anonymous source, the official story is omitting several details. First off, there's the quickly mentioned fact that Bryan Adams wasn't even in London at the time. Then there's the laughably specific information as to what they were having for breakfast; the only time someone gives that much information is when they're lying. You don't say "I cooked breakfast, you know, with eggs and everything... and bacon, and, um toast" unless you don't want people to know what you really had for breakfast.

So why be quick to point out that the only concievable male to be in the house isn't there, and lie about what you had for breakfast? Simple: there was a famous male in the house, and he has very specific tastes when it comes to women and breakfast foods.

Here's a photo sent to me by an anonymous source, taken in a park near Bryan Adam's home on the evening before Lindsay's emergency hospital vist.

Click to enlarge

Do you still believe the story that Linday's mom has been feeding the media? I sure don't. Do you think maybe Charlotte Church is jealous of all the attention Wilford is lavishing on Lindsay, and it is she who sent me the photo? I think it is most definitely a possibility.